The Lost ones
by Annie-marie6
Summary: When the Kings and Queens of Old leave after Prince Capian the Narnia court recives a book about what happened after they went back to England the first time. Read the Warnings before you start.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, warning mentions of non-permanent death, miscarriage, depression and incest.

"Normal speech"'

"Book" "**Old Narnian speech"**

Nobody's P.O.V

It was a cool fine day in Narnia two weeks past the day the King's and Queen's of Old had left Narnia and there was something of a party going on. King Caspian had hosted and all of King Peter, Queen Susan, King Edmund and Queen Lucy's friends had gathered to try and chase away the sadness of there friend's and Monarchs departure. Even Aslan was there, when all of a sudden a white light filled the room.

A book and a letter sat innocently on the table. "What do you think this could possibly be?" questioned the recently crowned King Caspian X.

"I've no idea your Majesty, is this something to do with you" Reepicheep asked bowing in reverence to the Great Lion. He shook his head.

"Perhaps if we read the letter we shall find out what it is," He suggested. King Caspian took out the letter and read aloud:

_Dear Narnian's,_

_This book has been sent to the Narnian court shortly after the departure of the four King's and Queen's of Old to show the true extent of their sacrifice and to tell you of their world so you may learn of a different culture. Nobody may leave until the book has been read entirely, normal time will have been suspended until the finishing of the book and by the time you have finished reading this the chamber will have sealed it self so that you physically cannot leave. No matter what you hear. Good luck! Nothing is, as it seems._

_With love, The Emperor Over the Sea. _

There was a pause before every door and window slammed shut and an ominous clicking sound signalled the locking of the door. "Oh dear" Aslan sighed, "Father does love to meddle. Would someone be so kind as to begin reading?"

"I'll read" Reepicheep volunteered standing over the book and flipping the pages to the first chapter.

**Chapter one - Peter**

**When we walked unknowingly back through the wardrobe and out of Narnia it killed Lucy. In the sense that she stopped breathing and if Edmund hadn't covered her nose, pressed his mouth to her lips and forced air from his own lungs into her body she would be dead.**

Reepicheep's voice faltered as it read on, before stopping in horrified silence as he read ahead silently. "I don't think I can read this," he said in a small voice.

"Why not?" Trumpikin asked quietly.

"Because it just gets worse," he responded, however at the pleading looks on everybody's faces he continued.

**Susan fell into depression; in Narnia she had gleefully told us she had important news. Between the sickness she had for the past few months and the scream complete of gut wrenching denial when she realised half an hour later that she was bleeding from in between her legs led me to believe she was pregnant and had miscarried, when she was forced back into the body of an eleven year old. Edmund confirmed it.**

"By the Lion" Caspian swore, "She lost a child, Queen Lucy nearly died tell me it gets better, please" he pleaded. Nobody else said anything desperately trying not to drown on there guilt, at some time or other they had blamed them for leaving Narnia, not knowing the cost.

**Edmund, my beautiful no-longer husband of nearly fifteen years had refused to speak anything other than old Narnian when we were together, desperate to keep it all alive, though we were back in England. Even though we'd never forget, because we all carried the scars. All the scars we'd acquired in Narnia and there were many… Too many for any of us to forget.**

"King Peter and King Edmund were married, for over a decade" Trumpkin whispered, but received no answer. Nobody had any inclination of the two Kings marriage, but now that they thought about it, it was almost obvious.

"I couldn't imagine it" a centaur said quietly, "Losing everything like that, and we blamed them… we blamed them" the last part was repeated and everyone was left feeling even more wretched than before.

**When we left I was 30, Susan was 29, Edmund was 28 and Lucy was 27 years old, we are now 12, 11, 10 and 9. The next month at the Professors house I spent putting my family back together, it was difficult and we were all glad that we in a place that we didn't have to hide it.**

"Hide it" somebody's temper had finally gotten the better of him, a satyr "Hide who they are, to fit into their original world? That is disgusting"

"Quiet" a man said coming into the room.

"Yes Lord Dionysus" the satyr showing respect.

"When I heard that you were reading about the Wild Queen I came immediately," he said taking a seat.

"The Wild Queen?" Caspian asked questioning, there where horrible stories about the Wild Queen, but only to the enemies of Narnia. Caspian felt a thrill of fear in the pit of his stomach.

"Lucy" he clarified. There was a stunned silence, the Wild Queen was said to be untameable, and free and when the lives of her people counted on it, exceedingly vicious, nobody survived a confrontation with the Wild Queen. The Narnian court had a hard time connecting the legendary Narnian Queen that the Tashbaan city revered to sweet little Queen Lucy.

**We learned how to be children again, or as close to it as we could mange. We still slept lightly and woke with the sun, we trained every morning as we had once done and we still spoke and acted like the Kings and Queens we where. I'd raised my family once, I was quiet happy to do it again even if it wasn't needed anymore. **

"I never thought of it like that, imagine being a child in a grownups body. How could they possibly know that they were coming back?" a centaur asked.

"Because it was all they had I suppose, the hope that they'd be coming home again" Trumpkin said.

**It was a few day when a letter from Mother arrived telling us that we could come home, enclosed in the letter was a picture of Mother in front of the rose garden she had taken with her brand new camera. Lucy didn't know who she was and Edmund barley remembered her but never the less we packed our stuff and were on the train back the next day, with gifts from the professor.**

"They don't even recognise their own Mother?" Reepicheep said anguished, "Didn't they have… I guess that King Peter really is there parental figure"

**Swords for Edmund and I, a bow and arrow for Susan and a wickedly sharp dagger for Lucy. Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King of Queen of Narnia. One day we would go back, and we'd need to be ready. **

"I don't know about all of you, but I for one am glad that they were ready" Caspian said looking around there were nods of assent from the room.

"**_Peter, I do not think that I can do this, Mother or no this woman is a stranger to thee"_ Lucy said forgetting to speak English. Smiling I slip back into old Narnian knowing it will reassure her.**

"It's good that he knows how to reassure her" a satyr.

"But it seems wrong to me, Lucy ever needing reassurance" Dionysus said shivering almost violently, "I've never seen it"

"**_Have heart, my Valiant Queen we shall be with thy_" I said in old Narnian, _"All shall be well."_ We walked over to meet Mother I knew that I wasn't the only unsure one, but I hugged her and let her near my sibling's something that I didn't want to admit, was harder than it should be. Unconsciously we formed our regular grouping, Susan by my side, Edmund slightly in front of us and Lucy next to him, shoulders back and posture perfect.**

"I wonder how many years that took before that became synchronised?" Trufflehunter asked.

"Just one" Dionysus said quietly, everybody was sufficiently impressed.

"**Did you children have fun in the country?" Mother asked, looking behind us, Susan bless her, smiled convincingly, to those who didn't know any better and started chatting away.**

Relief filled most of the room's occupants, but nobody said anything. Each of them desperate to hear how they dealt with being treated by children without someone knowing the truth anymore.

"Of course, we learnt so many things there, we all had so much fun" she prattled on, easily conversing with the stranger whom was our Mother. I suppose that some of Edmunds silver-tongue had rubbed of on her throughout the years.

"Oh hell" muttered Dionysus, the people surrounding him gave him a strange look. "King Edmund once convinced an ambassador from Tashbaan, that when his army was massacred when they attempted a sneak attack that they were to blame and should feel badly for the Narnian's, for having to kill them"

"Damn" a satyr said whistling, those were some fast-talking skills.

When we got home I believe we had run through all of the possible topic's for conversation, so when mother told us to _'go play'_ we hurried up to room Edmund shared with me. I think Lucy was about to start screaming.

"Queen Lucy? I don't see it. Her screaming at someone, I don't think I ever heard her scream at anyone," Reepicheep said, and he thought he heard Dionysus mutter, "Lucky"

"If she keeps treating me like I'm four, then by Aslan I'm going to… I have no idea what I'm going to do I just know that it isn't going to be pretty" she growled, considering that she had no qualms about attacking Aslan when she thought he'd warranted it I didn't doubt her.

"What? No seriously, what?" Caspian asked, "Forget it I don't even think I want to know." Nobody responded.

"_Breathe sister-mine" _Susan said taking her hand and kissing her knuckles, as had become custom at home. Part of Narnia etiquette that we'd adopted as second nature. _"We can not have thy starting war with… Mother, she is after all only treating us as she believes is her right"_

"That is fair enough, considering their Mother doesn't know any better" somebody sighed, there were mutters of agreement.

"_But even if it his not her intention to patronise us, I can understand how thy might become vexed, as we you're royal siblings do share such feelings" _Edmund told her before adopting an impish smile. _"Even though I understand, you are being truly, once again our littlest Queen." _I was torn between groaning and smiling, Lucy was going to kill him, but on the plus side she wasn't thinking about Mother anymore.

"I get the feeling that calling her little is like calling Reepicheep cute" the knighted mouse scowled. There were low chuckled, as the God of wine and madness muttered about suicidal Kings.

Life, as such as it was in the present circumstances, went on and Mother… Mother was screwed. I wanted to go home, to Narnia and crawl into bed with my husband and stay there.

Suddenly Aslan moved towards the window and rakes his claws across it.

"Let me out, let me out, let me out" he growled, trying to force his way out of the room. "I can't listen to this" he said heartbroken.

"If you don't quit it I'm bringing Lucy here, 27 year old Lucy" Dionysus threatened.

"You can't do that" Aslan growled hitting the window again, there was a flash of white light and there stood Queen Lucy the valiant, Narnia's Wild Queen in all her glory.

"There better be good Dionysus" she said holding her hands in her hips, "I have spent the last week on the battlefield, I have not slept, I am hungry, busied, bleeding and Susan shoved me into one of her heavy, frilly dresses that I can not breathe in so I could greet the visiting nobles in. Five. Minutes" her voice got progressively louder as she continued her irritated rant.

"I'm a God I can do what I like" he said, there was a whirling sound and a flash of silver as Lucy's knife imbedded itself in his stomach. "I was taking to him," he wheezed nodding in Aslan's direction and pulling the knife from his gut. Cleaning it and tossing it back.

"Oh, that is alright then" she said looking in Aslan's direction, "Oh Darling, what is the matter with thee" she said striding over and dropping to the floor and folding so far into him it appeared that she was trying to fold into his very skin, ready to fight all the monster of the universe with a serene look on the face.

"Nothing" he grumbled, struggling with the urge to purr as her hands were petting his fur. Her expression changed to one of wild anger.

"Do not" she said harshly digging her nails in and yanking his fur hard, "Presume to lie to me Kitten." The answering growl had everyone scuttle back…

Cliffhanger's don't ya just love them? Not! Sorry but I couldn't find a way to continue without doubling the chapter. I don't know if this is any good so reviews are pleaded for- I'll give you a cookie, thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing, warning mentions of non-permanent death, miscarriage, depression and incest.

"Normal speech"'

"Book" "**Old Narnian speech"**

Aslan's P.O.V

I couldn't believe what I had done, I couldn't believe that I didn't realise what forcing them to leave Narnia had done. I just sat there in progressive horror, as it slowly got worse. At the end of the chapter I could endure it no longer, I stood and raked my claws against the window desperately.

"Let me out, let me out, let me out" I growled, trying to force my way out of the room. "I can't listen to this" I said heartbroken.

"If you don't quit it I'm bringing Lucy here, 27 year old Lucy" Dionysus threatened. No, I thought violently. She'd… I didn't even know how she'd react. I just didn't want my Lucy to hate me. No, no, no I told myself, she's not my Lucy, not matter how much I wanted her to be.

"You can't do that" I growled hitting the window again, there was a flash of white light and there stood Queen Lucy the valiant, Narnia's Wild Queen in all her glory.

"There better be good Dionysus" she said holding her hands in her hips looking so beautiful it almost hurt, "I have spent the last week on the battlefield, I have not slept at all in that time, I am hungry, busied, bleeding and Susan shoved me into one of her heavy, frilly dresses that I can not breathe in so I could greet the visiting nobles in. Five. Minutes" her voice got progressively louder as she continued her irritated rant.

"I'm a God I can do what I like" he said obviously answering me, there was a whirling sound and a flash of silver as Lucy's knife imbedded itself in his stomach. "I was taking to him," he wheezed nodding in my direction and pulling the knife from his gut. Cleaning it and tossing it back.

"Oh, that is alright then" she said looking in my direction, "Oh Darling, what is the matter with thee" she said softly, striding over and dropping to the floor and folding so far into me it appeared that she was trying to fold into my very skin, ready to fight all the monster of the universe with a serene look on the face and win… for me.

"Nothing" I grumbled, struggling with the urge to purr in delight as her hands were petting my fur. Her expression changed to one of wild anger.

"Do not" she said harshly digging her nails in and yanking his fur hard, "Presume to lie to me Kitten." My answering growl had everyone scuttle back…

"Lucy" I growled warningly rolling to have her pinned underneath me, something that affected me more than it should. "Do not…"

"Care" she challenged, the leg she had not wrapped around me kicked out at the knee of my back leg. Giving her ample opportunity to flip me onto my back and lean forward to whisper in my ear fiercely, "It has been a long time since anyone's told you no, has it not Darling?" I moved my jaw to the side of her throat and line my teeth up to the scar from the last times in warning. She pressed closer into my teeth, proving the she wasn't afraid or troubled by my threat. I closed my jaw and her blood filled my mouth, so decadently sweet I wanted more, but I pulled away afraid she'd know. Know exactly how much I wanted her, exactly how much I loved her.

"I am not a tame lion, dear one" I said darkly, "Do not think for one minute think that I am, or that I will be manipulated in any way." She chuckled threateningly.

"Nor am I a tame Queen" she decreed regally in warning, "As you well know for this is not the first, nor I doubt will it be the last argument on the subject. Now I shall ask thee one more time," she said threateningly before changing her tone to one that the other Narnian's had heard from the Queen Lucy they had known, the one trapped in a child's body, "Darling, what is the matter with thee?" Her sweet words bellied her position, sitting on my stomach with he skirts bunched up, her legs on either side of me blood dripping down her neck and a hand at my throat ready to tear her nails though it should I dare to lie to her again.

"We are reading a book about our past, you're future and I ripped apart you're entire world" I said, my voice full of self-loathing.

"Oh, you are feeling guilty for something you think you've done" she sighed, "Do not worry, I forgive you… I shall always forgive you, no matter what it is that you think you've done" and with that she lay down beside me and closed her eyes. I sighed and moved over her so that she was warm and we were both comfortable, she fell into a deep sleep in moments. The Narnian's didn't exactly know what to say about the whole ideal, but shook it off when Dionysus explained it was normal for us before picking up the book and reading.

Chapter 2. Susan

**We made it through our first day with Mother, a woman whom despite being perfectly lovely had managed to drive us insane before bed. I put in a lot of effort to distract her attention from babying my siblings to much, I felt I owed it to them after worrying the so badly when we came back. I had a miscarriage, and it hurt, physically and mentally. I'd let the cold seep into my bones and numb the anguish I felt, slipping into non-responsiveness, behaviour unbefitting of a Narnian Queen.**

"That is so like Susan" Caspian comments, "To decree her reaction to losing… losing her baby as unbefitting and then to change her behaviour accordingly."

Dark chuckling filled the room, he was right that was so very like Susan. Lucy shifted restlessly in my arms, I wasn't sure if I was happier for having her here or if made the sting of how I betrayed her so much worse.

**The next dawn we got up and took our weapons out to the backyard, Peter and Edmund began to spar. Lucy unsheathed her dagger and commenced to start a complicated dance slicing and stabbing away at imaginary foes. I began a dance much the same as Lucy's shooting of arrows to hit things that would cause no harm and leave no marks. It wouldn't do to make Mother suspicious, Aslan forbid.**

"I miss them" Reepicheep said heavily, "They trained to protect us even before they knew the needed to"

"Weakness is not something any of them tolerate in themselves" Dionysus said. He was stating solid fact as well. Was it right for me, right that I pulled them out of there home because I couldn't bear to see Lucy age and die?

"**Shall I make us breakfast" Lucy asked after we'd all gotten cleaned up. We agreed thankfully, sitting down and waiting more tired after a work out than we had been in years in Narnia. Soon the wonderful smell of Narnian food was wafting throughout the house, which showed how much we'd become accustomed to the liberties that the Professor had allowed _'us children'_.**

"How did they live through that?" Trumpkin asked, "Beards and bedsteads I don't think I could manger it"

"I'm guessing that diplomacy would be useful in that" came Glenstorms response. Censorship as well, I thought to myself as all four of them were capable of cursing a blue streak that has me blushing.

"**Lucy Grace Anne Pevensie, what do you think you're doing" Mother shrieked in outrage raising her hand to smack her. I stood filled with rage, how dare she? But Edmund got there first, catching her wrist in a vice like grip.**

"That _woman_" Dionysus spat the word with venom, "Needs to find her self a shovel and start to dig." Though I wasn't sure that anybody else heard him over the outraged noise that came from the group of us.

I was growling loudly in rage. Until Lucy shifted and muttered in her sleep causing us to keep quiet hastily.

"**Do you really think that anyone of us would allow Lucy to cook if we were not a hundred percent sure that she knew what she was doing" he said in a voice so cold and so full of anger it burned, "Do not presume to hit my baby sister, nor any of my siblings ever again"**

"She's lucky he didn't snap it," I growled. The Narnian's appeared to fully agree.

"Would he really do that?" Reepicheep asked, I suppose that they'd only know them to appear to be children. Dionysus snorted.

"The last person to attempt to lay their hand on Queen Lucy in an attempt to harm her ended up with a snapped neck courtesy of King Edmund" He informed them. This made them apprehensive, though if Edmund hadn't killed the man I would have.

"**I am you're Mum, it is my right" she said her voice shaking with fear and anger. Edmund released her hand and she stumbled back.**

"She has a point" a satyr said hesitantly, afraid of the response. "Look at it from her point of view she was just trying to discipline her daughter, so she didn't harm herself." I huffed irritably, but knew he was right.

"Don't mind him," Dionysus said smirking at me, "Any form of sense or reason that he possess fly's out the window when Lucy is involved"

"**Not anymore, don't you ever raise your hand to my siblings again" Peter said impassively moving forward to set the table as Edmund helped Lucy plate up. **

"Do you think that the threat was scary enough not to need an or else attached to it" a Dryad question softly.

"Undoubtedly" Trumpkin responded. Threats against his family do tend to make him quiet frightening, I thought reminded of similar instances.

**She just stood in the middle of the kitchen tears in her eyes, but she wasn't our Mother anymore. We had to go through trials and suffering, great joy and tremendous responsibility all on our own. **

"That is true, how can they treat her like there children again?" I pondered aloud, nobody seemed to have the answer to that. I felt guilty, they were the trials the had suffered _for me_, the responsibility _I had_ bestowed upon them and in the end when the had found there place in there world, the joy _I had _taken from them. All because I couldn't stand to lose.

**It didn't matter that we'd been forced back into our child like bodies or that this woman was trying to raise us the best way she knew how… Peter raised us, he was my brother come father and then brother again, and he was Edmunds husband and Lucy's father now… we weren't her children anymore.**

"I don't know if I could have been that strong" Caspian said sharply.

"I beg your pardon, you Majesty?" Reepicheep asked in confusion, at the idea of a task that his King could not do.

"Be all on my own in a strange county that my three younger siblings had suddenly found ourselves ruling and still be able to raise them" he responded. It was a tall order when it was put like that, even if it had only seemed like the logical conclusion at the time.

"**This look lovely" I say sitting down to eat, "Join us Mother?" She wiped away her tears and sat down to eat. She commented that the food was delicious, and unlike anything she had ever tasted before. **

"There mistaking her for a visiting noble" Reepicheep said in amusement. "In Narnia you can just swap form a strong disagreement like that to civil conversation because the person they would have been having the disagreement with would want to be on there good side so they would let it pass" he explained as more than one confused face glance at him.

"That is really incredibly insightfully" a satyr commented lightly. It seemed there was more to the good-hearted mouse-knight than I had originally thought.

"**What do you boys plan on doing today?" she asked, whatever answer she was expecting it wasn't the one she got.**

"Oh dear there going to argue," Dionysus said cheerfully, "I'm glad I came to read, this entire book is utter madness and I do love madness." Being the God of wine, madness and debauchery I supposed that he would.

"**We were planning to see about finding some work" Edmund responded, we had discussed it last night. The boys would see about work and Lucy and I would deal with the house. Mothers face filled with shock and outrage.**

"Why would she be upset by that?" a Dryad asked baffled, "There trying to be a part of the household and do something constructive"

"They are her children, to her they are twelve and ten. She's just worried" somebody answered sadly, she was a Mother herself, so I think she wound know best.

"**You are both children, there is no need for you to go to work," she ranted, "I know money isn't as good as it could be but still…"**

"All the more reason for you to let them help" Trumpkin muttered under his breath. I sighed and looked down at Lucy, I wasn't looking forward to when it shifted to her perspective.

"Mother we live here to" Peter explained patiently, or rather patiently for Peter. "We eat the food, use the water, the electricity and we should contribute to the house hold expenses."

"What logical argument can she have against that" Trumpkin asked annoyed, "I'm not even there and I'm frustrated"

"An illogical argument" Dionysus said sighing.

"**Shouldn't you be happy that were gaining a sense of responsibility?" Edmund questioned artlessly. Silver-tongued fiend my brother was, all parents want responsible children. As such Peter and Edmund left half an hour later to find work despite Mothers feeble objections. **

"She didn't stand a chance" I said shaking my mane, "The only two people that can come between the Magnificent and the Just and there objective are the Gentle and the Valiant and vice versa." Nobody here doubted it for a second.

"**Lucy, would you like to take the top floor or the bottom?" I asked her looking about the house. It would take a fair bit of cleaning and re-decorating to make it more like home but it was do-able.**

"Do they have the right to do that without consulting their Mother?" Caspian asked, "I mean they've been taken from there home, suffered terrible losses and must be in a great deal of pain, but it isn't their house is it?" There wasn't an answer to his question.

"**I was thinking that we could work together to get it done" She said looking around the room and frowning. **

"It can't be that bad" I muttered, I'd seen some of the places Lucy was able to sleep, some of them were pretty bad.

"**What are you girls talking about?" Mother asked wearily. I suppose she was supposed to have her children back now. Except she didn't, she was stuck with us grown up strangers inhabiting the bodies of her children… we who once were her children. We stole her happily ever after and I was sorry for it.**

"How guilty would you feel?" Trumpkin asked, "They can't help not being who she wants them to be but they would still feel pretty guilty." Seconded only by me I thought bitterly, but it was my own doing.

"**Oh, we were just going to clean up a bit" Lucy said with a child like smile, "Maybe we could re-decorate a little." Mother looked alarmed, but didn't have the time to say anything about it she was late for work.**

"I wonder if she'll be able to find anything when she gets home?" Caspian asked jokingly, causing some much needed laughter. It worked a charm.

"**Bye Mother" we called as she left. Making our way back inside we looked around the kitchen critically, there was a lot of work to be done and we had to get it finished before Mother got back. **

"Why?" Dionysus asked, "It's not like anybody can stop Lucy when she decides to do something."

"That's for sure" Trumpkin muttered knowingly. I suppressed a chuckle, they had no idea.

**We had the whole house done by the time she got home. Everything was toughly cleaned, furniture was moved, items were re-organised, curtains were changed, and our bedrooms were completely redone. Peter and Edmund things were moved into a single room to so they didn't have to sneak into each other's every night. Lucy and I moved in together to, as to avoid suspicion.**

"How hard would that be, there lucky there sisters are so thoughtful" Reepicheep say sadly.

"No what would be harder would be the fact that at ages twelve and ten they can't have sex" Dionysus commented sympathetically. Everyone blushed and I smothered a laugh.

**Many of our own childish toys we put in boxes to give away later in one of the spare rooms. The house looked so much better at this point, but there were still some things that Peter and Edmund would need to fix and the garden needed doing. Other than that it was so much better. **

"They did all that in a single day?" an unbelieving exclamation sounded. There were many chuckles laughs at that, especially from those who knew of the resourcefulness of the two Queens.

**The boys arrived home an hour before Mother and spent it laying on the couch together, relishing in the time they could have together as husband's not brothers. Nobody here would understand, and I hated that they had to be so unhappy.**

"Does that mean what I think it does?" a dryad asked slyly.

"Knowing them it's a possibility" Dionysus said smirking, "Lucy never knocks anyway so they've gotten used to having an audience"

"Stop messing with them" I sighed, "But it is true, Lucy doesn't knock, or care what's happening on the other side of any door"

"**Children, I'm home" Mother called, "Annabelle's come to visit." The boys quickly scrambled to opposite ends of the couch, as Mother and a blonde women walked into the lounge room. A blonde woman… with a baby. **

"Oh, Susan I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry" I whisper shifting closer to Lucy. I hated myself, for that one moment I absolutely loathed myself. _I had killed her child… _in my ignorance and arrogance… all because I couldn't lose Lucy.

"**I love what you've done with the place Helen" I vaguely heard the woman remark as I stared at the adorable baby in her arms. I placed my shaky hands on my stomach and took a deep breath, ignoring to stabbing pain in my chest.**

There was more than one person with tears running down there face.

"It's not fair" was whispered in many corners of the room. It wasn't, I repressed the urge to bury my face into Lucy's body. Shame washed through me in droves.

"**I didn't, what did you girls do today" she said halfway between awed and accusing. Lucy had come in from the kitchen, taken one look at the baby asked me to watch dinner for her before turning around to answer Mother.**

"She is a good sister" Caspian muttered. She was, she was an even better queen though, until I took it all away because I couldn't share with _him._

"**Oh just redecorated a bit" she said happily, her voice floating back into the lounge as she made her way into the kitchen. "It lets in more light now." It looks more like Cair Paravel now, I missed home.**

"They did seem rather happy to be sleeping in a ruin" Trumpkin said laughing, "I guess no matter how broken home is always home." It was I suppose, there was nothing that I could do about it now and I was sorry for it.

"**Are you okay?" Lucy asked taking my hand, _"I know it must be hard for thee to see a babe such a short time after, did you pick a name?"_**

"I wonder what she would have the child named" Dionysus said chuckling, "More than that I wonder what a child with Lucy for an aunt would be like?" I shuddered to think about it, that child though… they would have been loved immensely.

"Sherlock or Mycroft for a boy and Athena or Dawn for a girl" I whispered softly. She squeezed my hand, bringing it to her lips and placing a kiss on my knuckles.

"There both unusual names" Caspian frowned. Many of the Narnia's laughed.

"They are Narnian name, your majesty" Reepicheep explained.

"**_I wish that we had never left Narnia," _she said simply, but it meant a great deal. Lucy had the most curious power over wishing. In Narnia they always came true, but they always had a terrible price. I looked at her baffled. "It doesn't work here" she said quietly.**

"Of course it doesn't work there, I didn't know where you were" Dionysus grumbled, "So how was I supposed to grant your wishes?"

"You granted her wishes?" a centaur asked curiously, "Why?"

"Because her actions always begot madness, causing madness allowed me to always be able to come to Narnia instead of just during revels" he explained, "The only thing is the wishes I granted always have madness of some sort as a cost." There was silence while everybody absorbed that.

"**Susan, come here a moment" Mother called, I sighed in aggravation. I suppose it wasn't her fault, she didn't know why the baby was upsetting to me. I made my way into the room. "There you are, you looked a bit pale a moment ago, it was almost as if you'd seen a ghost."**

"Yeah, a ghost of a whole life" I muttered, finally giving in and burying my face into Lucy's body.

"**I'm fine," I said demurely, puzzling on how right she was. I had seen a ghost. A ghost of another life. The baby let out a cry and I started almost violently. "May I hold her?" I ask indicating to the baby. Annabelle hands her over with a smile.**

"I don't know if I could do that" somebody commented, "I have children and I don't think I could stand to be in the same room as a baby let alone hold it if that had happened to me"

**She fitted right into my arms like she was meant to be there and I felt a small part of me, the part that had remained hopeful that this how ordeal was a dream, that I'd wake up in Cair, still pregnant die. I sung her a Narnia lullaby, silently grieving for my lost baby under the watchful and compassionate eyes of my brothers… I wanted to go home.**

It was official, I hated myself… how could I have done this. I ripped apart an entire family because I was told in no uncertain terms that if I couldn't share Lucy that I couldn't have her at all. If I could go back and change it… I would. But I will never be able to fix this.

**Done. I'm not sure if I'll update this again, if not I'll delete it. I've recently begun watching Black butler and it's given me the idea of borrowing some of their characters.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own it, I own it all, It's mine, I… SMACK! Sorry about that my evil muse decided to take over the disclaimer as well as the, oh… entire story. The song is 'Tears of an Angel' Ryan Dan. Enjoy.**

'**Book speak' **

'**_Narnian'_**

'Normal'

Caspian's P.O.V

The Kings and Queens of Old had suffered. It was simple and didn't even begin to cover it but it was the only thing I could even begin to comprehend. It was just the basic truth in its most fundamental state. They had suffered, Lucy, Edmund, Peter and Susan the girl that I was in love with and I couldn't understand why. All I could do was listen in horror, as it progressively got worse.

**I watched over my sister with the baby and it took everything in me to stay still, to act like everything was normal. Her eyes… she was breaking apart right in front of me and there was nothing I could do I felt so _useless_. She sung to the child a Narnian song that Lucy had written a long time ago for Willows funeral.**

"Somebody say my name?" Queen Lucy said popping up tiredly. She yawned and leaned against Aslan.

"In the book, it has the song you wrote for Willow, will you sing it?" I asked. She smiled and nodded.

"But after that I have to leave, it wouldn't do for me to know my future," she said before resting against Aslan, like a child with a giant stuffed toy my brain supplied unhelpfully.

"_**Cover your eyes,**_

_**Cover your ears,**_

_**Tell me these words are all lies,**_

If there is one thing that you should know about Queen Lucy it is that she possess the ability to sing.

_**It can't be true,**_

_**That I'm losing you,**_

_**The sun cannot fall from the sky,**_

My eyes began to water, the song hit way to close to home, and I missed Susan. I wonder what kind of state I would be in if I didn't have a kingdom depending on me.

_**Can you hear heaven cry the tears of an angel?**_

_**The tears of an angel,**_

There were tears from many people in the room, and she just sat there. Eyes closed patting, I kid you not, patting Aslan like it was her… well, Aslan given right and maybe it was. Her voice lifted to fill every corner of the room.

_**Stop every clock, **_

_**The stars are in shock,**_

_**The river won't run to the sea,**_

I imagine that's what being forced to leave would be like. Deifying the natural order of things and just stopping.

_**I won't let you fly,**_

_**I won't say goodbye,**_

_**I won't let you slip away from me,**_

Tears had definitely begun to slip down my face by this point and I couldn't bring myself to feel shame. This was Narnia once again and tears were nothing to be ashamed of.

_**Can you hear heaven cry the tears of an angel?**_

_**The tears of an angel,**_

Tears of an angel… Susan's tears, I wish I could make her stop hurting anymore.

_**So hold on,**_

_**Be strong everyday,**_

_**While were gone,**_

She was gone, I told myself and she will always be gone. I force myself to listen to the singing rather than my thoughts.

_**I'm here don't you fear,**_

_**Little one don't let go,**_

_**Don't let go….**_

What did they have to hold on to? Despite my many attempts to block out my thoughts this one slipped through and pounded through my brain.

_**Cover my eyes,**_

_**Cover my ears,**_

_**Tell me these words are a lie…" **_

The final words rang through the air. Tell me these words are a lie; I will probably be pleading for it to be true by the end of this book. There was a round of tear clapping before she stood and turned to Dionysus.

"Send me back," she requested, he visibly took a step back.

"I can't," he said, "Getting you in here was easy, but getting you out… the Emperor Over the sea declared nobody leave."

"So this is a crystal cage?" she asked rhetorically, "Apologise to you Dad for me Darling, but crystal cages filled with books that will dictate how I should live… not something that I will let _anybody _force me to endure it."

"I'll pass it along" Aslan said, chuckling fondly at her. "If you can manage to get out, that is." She merely smiled at him.

"Sebastian, I order you to take me back to Cair," she intoned. A man appeared in front of her and dropped to one knee, and crossed his arm across his chest.

"Yes, my Queen" he responded, "I am also obligated to tell you that the Princess of the Tashbaan city has sent her guards to abduct you again." A feral smile appeared on Lucy's face as she drew her knife and I for once full understood why she was called the Wild Queen.

"Then we should go and meet them, it would be such a shame for them to disrupt the festivities planned for our honoured guests," she said, the man rose to his feet a portal opened showing a guards carrying various weapons.

"As you wish, I for one advise that you go and greet you guests and let me take care of the intruders" he advised her.

"But how else am I to explain the state of my royal sisters dress?" she asked in mock horror, "Besides, I do believe that I told you this, I wont ask you to save me."

"Do you really have such an objection to it?" I found myself asking.

"I'm not a damsel in distress, I can probably handle myself better that you can," she replied before turning to the dark haired man with crimson eyes, "I've always asked _you _to help _me _save _us_"

"You can't always save everyone Dear one" Aslan said. She smiled, kissed him on the forehead and walked through the portal holding Sebastian's hand.

"Watch me," she stated as they disappeared.

"Who was that?" Reepicheep asked dumbfounded.

"That was Queen Lucy the Valiant, Narnia's Wild Queen and her Demonic Companion Sebastian." It was dead quiet and somebody decided that it was time to start reading the book.

Mother eyed her peculiarly, asking what on earth was that language. Susan merely brushed it off as a song that she'd learnt at the Professors. Technically it wasn't a lie, not that it matters, we were forced to lie everyday. As for the moment I had bigger problems.

"I hate that, the way that they were forced to change their moral code to live their life," Reepicheep said, finally overcoming the shock that was swirling in my brain. Somebody responded but couldn't make out what was said; I don't think that it's important.

"**It's not you're fault" I said slipping into the room Peter and I now shared, "You could have possibly done anything to prevent this."**

"Oh dear, here we go again" Dionysus muttered before he clarified, "Peter has a habit of placing the world on his shoulders, as I'm sure you've noticed." I had, it was simply Peter all over.

"**You know me so well Ed, your always taking care of me," Peter whispered, taking a seat on the bed. **

"I would hate that" a Naiad spoke up, "To not be able to comfort my husband properly if he needed it." That jolted me, I had almost forgotten about that. It wasn't that I was against it or anything I was happy for them, it was just that I would have to let it properly sink in.

"**_Of course I do_" I replied in Narnia, "_I should think that I would be a rather rubbish husband should I neglect to take care of you darling._" He pressed a kiss to my lips a smiled as we made our way out of the room and back down stairs.**

"Aw" rang around the room as every female and some males (A certain centaur, who would deny it later) cooed in synchronisation.

"**_I love you more than life,_" he said, repeating the words he'd told me on the day I agreed to marry him and almost everyday since.**

I realise it was sort of sweet, but I didn't see the need to squeal about it and you haven't lived until you've seen a big, scary looking centaur squeal like a girl.

"**_I love you more," _I replied cheekily. He just shot me a familiar look that simply said I doubt it. Dinner was a long affair that I wished would cease. Eventually it ended and 'us children' were sent to bed. I flipped the lock on the door and got changed with Peter. We played chess for hours. Neither of us could sleep.**

"If it's mentally scaring, just don't read it" Aslan said.

"Is that likely?" I asked.

"I'm the God of debauchery and I had a conversation about their sex life with Edmund… I couldn't decide if I wanted to be there or have my memory erased"

**By the time we finally crawled into bed and fell asleep it one o'clock in the morning rather than seven-thirty when we were sent to bed. An hour or so before we would usually wake up I jolted out of sleep. Something was wrong; I move to look out the window before rushing out of the room. Lucy.**

"Please," I whispered, unaware I had spoken aloud. I may not love her like I did Susan but I had come to love her and Peter and Edmund to, in a platonic way. I did not wish to see her hurt.

**My breath froze in my throat as I saw her laying in the grass, face pressed into the ground. When people cry it generally is always for a different reason but some things always remain the same. People that cry noisily want attention, whether it's subconscious or not, people that cry silently… well, it's because they just can't stop.**

Which was Lucy? I glanced at Aslan and froze… he loved her. I suddenly knew it as certainly as I knew the sun rose in the morning, how it could ever be missed was beyond me. What I wondered was if Lucy knew?

**Lucy just couldn't stop. My brave little sister, my Valiant Queen… I should have known. She'd lived and breathed Narnia and now it was just a memory. Quietly I shift her into my arms and simply hold her, cursing the difficulty that I shouldn't have had picking up my petite sister.**

"That would be frustrating, beards and bedsteads… I can't imagine that little girl lose her fight," Trumpkin said shakily, shaking his head.

"That's just it," Reepicheep said dismally, "She isn't a little girl is she? And for that matter… what is there to fight anyhow?" I took a deep breath tying to calm myself; it was almost as if a cloud had passed over the sun.

"**_Ed" _she whispered piteously. My heart clenched, she hadn't broken under torture, nor siege or war, not fatal wounds or the death of loved ones could reduce her to this. She was the strongest person I knew and if Lucy couldn't do it… what hope did the rest of us have?**

"None at all," Dionysus said bluntly.

"That's a little harsh isn't it?" I asked. He just shook his head.

"No," he said simply and I could see that he truly believed it.

"**_Shh. My darling Queen_" I said rocking her back and forth in a way I haven't, at least no for her sake since she was ten years old. "_Oh, by the Lion. What troubles do thee have for thyself this time?"_ I don't know how long it was before she said anything, but eventually she sat up.**

Big ones I imagined if everything I'd heard was true. I just wanted this to get better; I could imagine what it were like to be them… I don't think I would have survived it.

"**_It is wrong," _she said resting her head on my lap. "_The air, the stars… everything. The whole world is wrong, my dear King… and I think it is killing me" _ **

"No" the word was growled by both Aslan and the mad god, before they let there anger take the better of them. I am a king of Narnia, by right of conquest no less. I had never been more scared in my entire life as they destroyed, no _annihilated _the unused opposite side of the room. Eventually they calmed enough for us to continue reading.

**Peter is the one for guilt trips usually… but I couldn't help her. Now that I looked, I mean really looked I was horrified. Her skin was paler, her hair had faded to a dull brown colour and her eyes were vacant as she looked up at the sky, seeing different set of constellations. It wasn't difficult to believe that this was killing her.**

Why was this necessary? Why did they have to leave and why was it killing Lucy but not physically affecting anybody else.

"**Why don't you call him?" I asked. I meant Sebastian, her demon, yes you heard me right demon companion. A year after the death of the white witch the evil being that had given her, her powers had rampaged throughout the land. Lucy had disappeared; when she came back she was covered in blood and ash, Sebastian holding her hand. She simply stated that he was staying with her from now on.**

"I wish I knew what happen that day" Aslan said heavily, a thin book appeared floating in the air. It glowed and dropped the floor a note landing neatly on top. **'Be careful what you wish for' **was scrawled on it.

"I was able to grant that wish," Dionysus said quietly, "Think about what that means and if you really want to know."

"It's only thin, we could read it after this chapter" he replied. That wasn't what he asked I thought to myself.

**It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment when somebody changes but in this case it was obvious. The being… whatever it was never bothered anyone again if it was even still alive, but that was the night. That was the night Narnia's Wild Queen was born.**

"Was she really as bad as the surrounding nations made her out to be?" someone asked the exact question I was wondering.

"If you hurt her people, yes" Dionysus responded.

"**Because if he doesn't come… if he can't come, then I know why were here" she said, "And I don't think I could bear it if the one person that I should always be able to have faith in was able to fuck over my entire family because he didn't like my choices."**

"What does that mean?" a faun asked curiously. There was no answer but it almost sounded to me as if… no it couldn't be.

"**Sebastian?" I asked. She merely shook her head and sat up, the sun was coming up and I knew that if my sister was going to say anything else I would be lucky, which was why I was surprised when she did.**

"She's real stubborn" Trumpkin said shivering in remembrance. I chuckled along with many others that she was, that she was.

"**No, the one person that could do anything and know that I'd always forgive him" she muttered. No, I thought to myself as I watched her pull herself together and put on her bravest face. She wasn't talking to me at all. I however was more concerned about what she said.**

"It's very intriguing" Glenstorm said, "Just who is she referring to?" Maybe Edmund would figure it out.

**There were five people that Lucy would always forgive. She said he, so it isn't Susan. She told me it wasn't Sebastian and Peter and I were out… so that only left…. No it couldn't be, he wouldn't do that to us. I refused to even consider it, which in hindsight would prove to be a pretty poor decision.**

"He doesn't say who it is?" Reepicheep said looking uncharacteristically angrily, I suppose it would be nice to have somebody to blame. Even if it were wrong, it would be a comfort that we didn't have now.

**The week speed by, seemingly taking forever to the end of but take not time at all. Everything would go remarkably the same; get up, train, breakfast, and get ready, go to work, come home, lay on the couch with Peter, dinner, get sent to bed, play chess, goodnight kiss and sleep. I think that if it weren't for the goodnight kiss it wouldn't have even been worth it.**

There was cooing… again I didn't eve pretend to understand it. I chuckled anyway, because it seemed just like Edmund to find the good thing in something so small.

"**Edmund" the woman, my Mother called hesitantly as she followed me outside. Sometime during the week we'd changed. We gotten used to her presence and accommodated for it. Like what we would do for a visiting noble, but that was treating her like a guest in her own home. It was wrong so I resolved to talk to my siblings about it.**

"I would have been tired if I were them," I said. Eyes shot to me and looked at me in confusion, "If I had to do what they did day in, day out I would have just been so, so tired until I wouldn't have been able to even get up at all."

"I know," Aslan whispered.

"**Yes?" I asked politely. She bit her lip and stared at me, I sometimes think it would have hurt less for her if we'd never even come back at all. She wouldn't have to watch as her children walked around as strangers.**

I was starting to feel cold, the kind of cold I only used to feel in the dead of the night when I allowed myself to think about Susan. I would have hated it, I think but I was starting to numb.

"**Why?" she asked quietly, her voice shook. "What happened in the country? It should be happy were a family again, so why is it all so wrong?" Wrong there it was again, that same word that Lucy had used.**

"Can it be fixed?" a rabbit asked, "It must be able to be fixed if were reading this because otherwise…"

"What's the point" I finished dully, "If we could never help them, wouldn't ignorance be bliss?"

"**I don't know, it's almost as if we were never supposed come back at all," I said, tears poured down her face. "I know it hurts and I'm so, so sorry because it shouldn't hurt you. It's not fair, not for any of us… but that's just the way that it is"**

"That just the way that it is?" Reepicheep asked questioningly, "I wonder who decided… who decided that it had to be like that?" Who indeed, I wonder despondently.

**She sunk to the floor and began to sob noisily and I could only stand there and hold her hand as she cried. I could comfort this woman, she was a stranger who could only see me as something that I wasn't anymore and there was nothing comforting about this situation. I wanted to go home.**

The book was shut and laid on the table as everybody eyed the other book that was so thin I comparison to the other. I picked it up.

"I was able to grant this wish, it will only end in madness," Dionysus said, "Be very sure before you start to read that book, this is your last chance…. Are. You. Sure?" We nodded; I opened the book and began to read.

**Done. What do you think? It took forever to do Edmund, he's supposed to be wise and stuff. I'm not the shiniest fork in the draw so it was a challenge. Review me and tell me what you think. Next chapter… what the hell happened to Lucy.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not The Chronicles of Narnia, or Black butler of whom I borrowed Sebastian from. I don't even own the poem at the beginning; I stole it from somebody's profile page. I don't know if I can do that but I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to.**

Dionysus's P.O.V

I was finally going to find out what happened to Lucy, what changed her so irreversibly and I didn't want to. Something's are better left untouched. Something's are better if you leave them alone. It seemed that people had neglected to mention that certain lion and a Narnian King. This was not going to end well. Mark my words… I needed a drink.

**Cinderella walked on broken glass,  
Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass,  
Belle fell in love with a hideous beast,  
Jasmine married a common thief,  
Ariel walked on land for love and life,  
Snow white just barely escaped a knife,  
It was all blood, sweat & tears,  
Because love means facing your biggest fears**

"What is that?" Reepicheep asked baffled.

"There fairytale princesses," I responded in a bored tone. There was a pause while it was explained about which princess belonged to which story. How had they never heard these before?

**Love doesn't always mean what people think it does, it's not always romantic. It can be so much bigger than that… I'm a Queen. A young one, of only ten years old but still a Queen of Narnia none the less and there comes a time for every monarch when you truly realise how much you would give for you people. The truly great kings and Queens will give everything.**

"Makes you wonder what her definition of everything is?" Caspian said quietly. I chuckled darkly.

"Her life at the very least." Aslan said seriously.

**I suppose that I'm getting ahead of myself now. Talking about fears and love, things that before I walked through a wardrobe into a magical land, assisted in vanquishing an evil witch and being crowned Queen Lucy the Valiant I had no such ideas about what any of these things really meant.**

"Um, I have no idea what these things mean" Trumpkin said tiredly.

"You don't want to," I said, "Take it form someone who's related to the goddess of love. Love is dangerous." They looked at me strangely; oh the dear sweet Narnian's that believe that love is a glorious thing. Wrong, but then I suppose that Aslan wasn't the only one in love with Lucy, I was content to remain her best friend though.

**It had really all began with the White Witch, or rather the power behind the Witch. She wasn't born with her powers, but had made a deal with an evil entity that not even I had discovered what it was. In the beginning people started disappearing non-discriminately. All beings from all the kingdoms and then the bodies were found. Mutilated so badly that they were barely identifiable. **

"Nobody ever figure out what it was?" a Glenstorm questioned, "Then how do you know that it's gone?" Nobody said anything, in worry I supposed. Lucy had taken care of it so I didn't worry.

**I had seen the thing that had done this. It was wrong; it wasn't even evil it was beyond the natural order of good and evil commanding an army of the missing dead. They weren't dead though, they were infected; I hated the thought that this is what was happening to my people.**

"You should claim people like that," Caspian said. Aslan and I burst out laughing, it to ages for us to be able to stop.

"That was the best things to ever happen to Narnia," I said through chuckling. They looked at us baffled, like they couldn't possibly imagine it. I pitied them.

**There was no solution in sight so I researched, checking the royal library for an answer, any answer because we couldn't have run form this let alone fight it. If we killed the army they could just make more and we would never get close enough to kill the source of the enchantment. Then I found the answer in an old leather tome. The answer came under the title Human Sacrifice.**

"WHAT!" Aslan roared, "She didn't, she could have." I just glared at him.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black," I said reminding him of his self sacrifice with the white witch.

**If a person walks willingly to death and dies with no defiance then a barrier will form around the protected. The bottom line was, I went through with this then he couldn't infect them, I went through with this then nobody could ever be touched. Magically at least and it was enough for me and I had faith enough in my brothers to take care of the rest.**

"That… she wasn't kidding when she was talking about giving up everything," Reepicheep said in horrified awe.

"When it come to Lucy, just assume, not matter how ridiculous were probably mean it," Aslan sighed. He was shaking, looking down at my hands I realise that I was too.

**So that night I slipped out of the camp where we were looking for the source of the disappearances. I didn't know how to find them, but I didn't have to. I was a ten-year-old girl walking I the dangerous part of the woods. Twigs cracked beneath my feet as I walked nervously through the forest. My heart was pounding against my chest at breakneck speed.**

"She… well that explains it" Trumpkin said, before looking around the room. "Why she laughed when I yelled at her brother for thinking it was a good idea to send a little girl into the darkest part of the forest,"

"That sounds like her," I murmured to myself.

**I could hear people surround me as I made my way into a clearing; there was blood on the forest floor. I shut my eyes and waited for the inevitable. A second later someone grabbed me and something slammed into the back of my head.**

"I was really beginning to hope that that her plan wasn't going to work," Reepicheep sighed. No, I thought… that would be convenient and so unlike her.

"**Are you alright?" a man asked me, as I lay dazed on the floor of a cell. I stood unsteadily, and eyed the bars. Half-barrel hinges, made by dwarves… I could get out of here easily. **

"Well that was lucky," Trumpkin said with a smirk and a mischievous twinkle in his eye. I wonder what kind of havoc he and Lucy would have wreaked. It would have been beautiful.

"**Yes, are you?" I asked standing up awkwardly with my hands tied behind my back. He nodded. I didn't recognise him, he looked human but he wasn't from Narnia or as far as I knew Archland. He had black hair, pale skin and crimson eyes. **

"That's her demonic companion," someone murmured. Yes, the one that always owned so much more of her than any of us. I could be jealous though… jealousy had hurt her enough. I mean look at where she is now, stuck in England.

"**You'll never get out of here like that," he said apologetically. I smiled and flicked my foot up. The door lifted right off its hinges and fell almost silently on the icy floor. **

"And that's why we never doubt her" I said smiling, now all he had to do is stop her from doing something stupid.

"**I spent some time in a dwarf forge recently," I informed him, "Good luck getting out"**

"She's not even going to ask for help?" a Dryad asked. There was a rash of muttering at her question. I just sighed it was just like her.

"**Aren't you leaving as well?" he asked confused. I just shook my head and made my way down the corridor. "You're going to try and fight it, and you wont ask me to help you?"**

Not this time, I thought. He'll be there every other time when ever we can't but she wont ask him this time. He protected my best friend, I think that Aslan hated him but to me as long he kept her happy and safe… that was all that mattered.

"**No," I said surprised, "Why should I, I don't think you're even from this world so why would I ask you to die for it?"**

"That's… remarkably logical and not something that anybody else would have thought of," Caspian said quietly and it was true. The world expects way to much of people, especially the good side.

"**Because it's good and right or some other ridiculous noble reason," he responded wearily, "You will die if you don't"**

"That's her plan" Aslan spoke bitterly. Lucy was right it really was a long time since anyone had told him no but it was something I was going to start to do. I didn't think it was a fight I could win.

"**It's ok, that's the plan," I said, his face filled with delighted shock before he smiled rather viciously.**

"I don't understand, he looked like he wanted to protect her," Reepicheep said confused.

"The world isn't the rose tinted place you think it is," I said blandly. He looked confused but I didn't elaborate because I knew he'd never understand it and I didn't want him to.

"**You planning on using you self as a human sacrifice, your going to save them all" he whispered almost enchanted at the idea, I nodded. "Oh dear child… do you mind if I watch? It's been ages since I've seen a willing human sacrifice"**

There were sound of fury and some dry reaching as the Narnia's showed their displeasure. What did it matter now? It was over and done with now.

"**No, I don't mind," I said. I swallowed down the knot of fear in my throat and prayed for a quick death when the time came. It didn't take long to find the _thing _and it's minions. The man merely leaned against the doorframe. **

"He's really not going to help her?" Trumpkin asked. I leaned back and conjured myself a glass of scotch. They were so naive.

**It didn't speak, the monster… it just sat on its throne of bodies. Blood dripping from it's mouth and flesh between its teeth. Bodies, limbs and blood were sprayed out though the room and the smell made me want to throw up. It was literally the smell of a hundred rotting corpses. I walked to stand in front of it, my hand still bound behind my back.**

"What the hell is that?" came the general consensus of the room. Not good, I was definitely going to go with not good.

"**Well if it isn't Narnia's littlest Queen," it said, its voice was like… knives being dragged over bone.**

"That explains why she hates it so much," I murmured. Call her that was always a fast track to getting knifed, especially when you heal almost instantaneously. I felt bad for calling that now and resolved not to do it again.

"**Yes" I whispered breathlessly, eying the bloody weapons on the table before making myself look that thing in the eye. Valiant… it was just a word, gifted to me by Narnia but still a word none the less. If I could have nothing else, if I couldn't die with defiance and I wouldn't die with fear… then I would die valiant.**

"I don't think that valiant covers it," Aslan murmured in horror. No, I was sure that it didn't. The room sat in stupefied horror, I hoped for a clean death if she did die.

"**You will bow before me," it hissed. I suppressed a flinch and held his gaze, I couldn't refuse but I didn't have to comply either. "BOW!" I did not. A knife struck into my gut and I forced back a scream.**

"She wont," I whispered before repeating in a stronger voice, "She wont, not Lucy, not ever." She couldn't, because the mortals believe in Gods when things get tough or unbearably sad. What did Gods believe in? I didn't know, but I believed in her.

**Pain ate away at me as the thing screamed at me over and over again. I hit the ground and lay in a pool of old blood as the knife came down again and again. Deep stabs, shallow cuts, lines and lines of bloody hurt. I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.**

The book fell with a dull thud out from in between the King's fingers and nobody made any move to pick it up. I moved forward and grabbed it.

"NO" the room yelled out, because they couldn't stand to here anymore and that made me mad.

"No, you don't get to decide to stop," I said furiously, "You wanted to know. You wished it I complied. I warned you to leave it alone and you didn't. You had to know, you had to have the answer and you will know. I wont let you back out now."

**I screamed so loud and for so long that that my throat tore and I choked on the copper taste of blood caught in my throat. I coughed violently in agony. It all started to fade though, sound, sight, the pain. It gradually flowed out of existence.**

There were sobs and tear for her but I didn't care. I read in the same darkly furious tone that I had used to yell at them, ignoring the single tear that tracked down my cheek. Lucy was a mortal, I told myself and no matter how extraordinary mortals always die eventually.

"**Impressive" a voice said, clapping. I swung upward in surprise before gasping in shock. I was perfectly fine, floating in the air completely naked all but for a sheet. I took in the muted grey of the endless space around me.**

"But sh-she died," Reepicheep said shakily. I just gave him a look that said shut up. He hastily complied.

"**I died," I said quietly, before laughing. "There safe, all of them… there safe now."**

Of course that was all that mattered to her, of course she didn't mind. I briefly noticed that nobody had interrupted… maybe I had scared them.

"**Not quiet" the man said apologetically, "They have an army and will decimate your people I have witnessed the lengths you will go through to save them… would you like to make a deal?"**

"What kind of deal?" Aslan growled.

"None of your damn business," I spat at him, "You don't have the right to ask anymore." It had finally clicked, Lucy would always forgive him.

"**What kind of deal?" I asked flatly.**

He growled again, low in his throat and threateningly, I just shot him a look that showed him exactly what I thought of him at the moment. He shifted guiltily as he should.

"**I am a demon, I can help you save them all and upon completion of the terms and conditions of the deal I get your soul," he said. I was actually considering it; somebody had to keep them safe, _all _of them.**

"She didn't" The room exploded and pandemonium reigned, screaming and roaring and other various animal noises. I leant back into my seat and sucked in all the madness until everybody was slumped on the floor.

"_Enough_" I screamed, "What is done is done and none of us can change it,"

"**How exactly does this all work?" I asked eyeing him tiredly.**

They didn't have the energy to interrupt me anymore as they all lay there listlessly and listened to the story.

"**What is it you wish for most in the world?" he asked with a grin. I didn't even have to think about it.**

"OF course not," Aslan muttered in defeat.

"**I wish to be able to protect my country and people," I said without a moment's hesitation.**

It figured, that was always the only thing she ever wanted and she fought bloody hard for it. Damn Aslan, damn him.

"**Then this is how it will work, I will become your servant to assist you in your goal. I can't kill you or let you come to any harm, I must follow your orders exactly until such time the contract is fulfilled or you die, upon which I collect your soul as payment" he explained, "You would own me and I would own you."**

I had always wondered where that phrase came from, now I knew and I wasn't sure what to think about it. Sometimes you just go with it, even if it means losing.

"**Done," I said stepping from my position floating in the air to stand in front of him wrapping the sheet around me and holing out my hand.**

Take my hand, take my whole life too…. The song lyrics seemed oddly appropriate, for a demonic contracted. I don't know how I was okay with this… probably because she never regretted it. At least she never showed that she did in Narnia she was happy.

"**The gates to paradise shall forever be closed to you if you go through with this action" he warned, "You know and accept this to be true?" **

"It's your own damn fault that you lost," I told Aslan how had tear starting to glisten in his old eyes.

"**I do" I accepted, there was no other choice to me. Giving both my life and my soul for my country and its people in one day, I found it somewhat poetic. We shook hands.**

And it was, because in the end it was always the choice that she would make. To be there for the people that she loved the most. The people that after all she'd given for them and all she'd done I would cheerfully decree _**Hers**_.

"**Then I must place my demonic seal on you and you must give me a name" he said.**

"What? It's that simple?" Caspian scoffed weakly, "What does he even want with her soul?" Nobody answered because nobody knew.

"**You can put the mark anywhere?" I asked. He nodded, "Then place it on my heart, through my skin and bones and on the actually organ itself." He smiled in delight as his hand melted through the layers until it reached his destination. I let out a short and sharp scream.**

"She never got the hang of holding back," Aslan murmured. I shifted away from him; I was so disgusted with him that I couldn't even stand to hear him speak.

"**You still have to name me," he said after giving me a moment to recover. What did I know about names? **

I don't know she was always good at naming babies, I thought randomly.

"**Your favourite contractor, what did they call you?" I asked with a smile.**

I did a double take… that was an incredibly unique way of dealing with that one. I wonder how she had even come up with it.

"**Sebastian," he replied returning my smile.**

"I didn't think it was actually true," Trumpkin said.

"When you said that she would probably smile while selling her soul? No I didn't think so either" Reepicheep answered.

"**Sebastian it is then," I replied. He sunk down on to one knee.**

"And so it begins, the birth of the Wild Queen," I said, feeling the need to announce it because… well it just _was._

"**Yes my young Queen" he said and just like that the contract was formed and our accord was made. The world disintegrated around me. I woke up lying on the table surrounded with weapons. The cut bonds fell away from my hands.**

"I didn't think she would live," a faun said, "I mean obviously I _knew _she would but I just didn't…"

"I know," I said finally.

"**Will you order me to get rid of _that,_" he said indicating to the thing in disgust, "For you my young Queen"**

Oh, that was what she meant. That she doesn't order him to do things _for _her, she was probably referring to this conversation.

"**No, I won't. I order _you_ to help _me_ to take care of _us_" I replied. He grinned and dropped to one knee.**

I thought so. Everybody else was too tired from me draining their madness out of them to comment, except Aslan. I suspect that that was just the pure knowledge of how much he's fucked up. Not that I cared.

"**Yes Mistress" he replied. I was going to have to talk to him about that one. I picked up as many knives as I could and scrambled to help him kill our attackers.**

"It's starting," Aslan said as if it were the beginning of the end.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I retorted, he didn't bother to answer.

**Apart from basic dagger training from the army when we were fighting the witch I had no formal weapons education but Sebastian was a demon that obviously had practice in killing things. The monster called its undead minions and I was glad that he could allow me to come to harm.**

So is everybody else that loves you, I thought fondly. Fond was not a feeling that I should have about somebody who has contract with my best friend for her soul.

**I sensed an opening and threw myself at the monster toppling him over. Sebastian grabbed his shoulders and held him down. Kill it, kill it, kill it, keep them safe ran through my head as I raised my dagger up high. It glinted in the torchlight; there was a wet slicing sound as I rammed it in its throat. **

"She's ten," Reepicheep said faintly, "This is ridiculous." No, I thought it's magnificent.

**It lurched violently and I hacked away at it in fear. Gurgled screams made its way through the air. Slice, slice, slice, POP. Sebastian tore its head clean off, I rolled until it thudded to a stop at the foot of the throne of bodies. The undead fell to the ground and stopped moving, the source of there magic dead.**

Some of the Narnian's actually threw up, horrified and scared of the actions of one of their Queen's of Old. They irritated me, she wasn't like them, sometimes I think that they don't deserve it and then I see what she sees.

"**It is finished, my Queen," Sebastian said holding out his hand to help me up.**

"He truly is a demon, he doesn't even sound effected" a dryad spat venomously. I just chuckled at her ignorance.

"**Lucy," I told him, "My name is Lucy." He smiled happily as we made our way to the door. I looked back and surveyed the devastation, nobody should see there loved ones like this. "We need to bun this," I said. A few minutes later we were standing out side of the building as it burnt.**

"Could you imagine how long Peter would have grounded her if he'd seen that?" I asked. Aslan didn't even bother to answer; when this was over I had a bone to pick with him. Hopefully his bones, I thought viciously.

"**Lucy," Peter shouted racing to me, Susan and Edmund following "Are you okay? Who is that? What happened?"**

"He's a bit like a mother hen, isn't he," Caspian said jokingly.

"He use to lock Lucy in a tower like a fairytale princess when she was grounded. Eight stories up and she'd still climb out the window," I said laughing in delight at the memory.

"**Slow down," I said exasperated. "I'm fine and everything is over now." I took Sebastian's hand. **

And she never let go, I thought. Not really… but then I suspect that that's what got her into this mess in the first place.

"**What happened?" Edmund asked, "You're covered in blood."**

"Welcome to the way things are going to be from now on" Aslan said bitterly.

"**It isn't mine," I responded looking down at my ruined dress. Oh well Susan will have plenty of fun making me get another one.**

"I do not think that Susan is that bad," Caspian said softly. I held back a snort, just another person who had their life torn apart because of that bastard.

"**Who is your friend?" Susan asked blushing.**

Not a chance in hell and when she finds out what he is she doesn't want a bar of him. Edmund was the only one that had any sense.

"**This is Sebastian, he'll be staying with me from now on as _my _companion" informed them before walking in the direction of Cair.**

"And there was no changing her mind," I said shaking my head, I wonder what she would have been like if she'd never met Sebastian. Dead, my mind supplied.

"**What now my Queen?" he asked casting an amused glance at our joined hands.**

The beginning of a whole new era, I thought to myself. Something that changed Narnia as we all knew it to a place that truly welcome all and didn't just pretend to.

"**I need to acquire some fighting skills, if you'd be so kind as to help me with that and I have a kingdom to run, with a whole side of it being discriminated against because of the way they are born. We'll start there" I said thinking, "But for now let's go home, have a bath and get some sleep."**

"I think that after that a bath would be the only thing on my mind," Trumpkin said with a shudder. I shook my head again, not her.

**Time passed and I grew up. I became something new I think, dealing with the darker side of the Kingdom. Narnia's Wild Queen, the Dark Queen, She-who-tamed-a-demon all the names that were applied to me but I would always treasure my Aslan given name as the Valiant one. And do you know what, the decision I made… the one that will one day cost me my soul; it was one that I would never, ever regret.**

That was it; I threw the book down and stood, turning to face Aslan.

"Now, you will tell me right now exactly what made you think you had the right to force the King's and Queen's out of there home" I hissed at him.

**All finished, what do you think…. Big enough to change Lucy into the way she is now? I need reviews and advice. Next up is Dionysus and Aslan's fight, which will win? **

**Also I am planning on using this chapter in a different story. A fruits basket crossover where the main character from that anime, Tohru is Lucy with a different name. Just cause.**

**Enjoy.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Sorry that this took so long. Hint, hint for those that haven't worked it out yet, Lucy is my favourite character. Reviews are cherished, ideas even more so. **

Aslan's P.O.V

"Now, you will tell me right now exactly what made you think you had the right to force the King's and Queen's out of there home" Dionysus hissed at me.

"How dare you," I growled at him. Lucy needed to leave, because of what that thing was doing to her.

"How dare I?" he thundered, "How the hell do you get to say that? When it is your fault they suffered, you were the only one that she would always forgive with the power to banish them from Narnia,"

"For her own good" I yelled back, it was logical… and the right thing to do why couldn't they see that?

"For Lucy's or yours?" he stated flatly, "What did you catch her doing? Did you see her in bed with him or something?"

"Yes I saw her in bed with him and that filthy demon had his hands on her soul" I retorted fury spilling out around me. Nobody should touch her like that, except me.

"Did you even talk to her about it?" he asked in distain, "You're an idiot. Can't you realise that you're not the only one who loves her? Stop fucking this up."

"And I was supposed to just let that continue to happen, I was suppose to let her be hurt like that?" I demanded.

"Did she even look like she was being hurt?" he snapped at me. Images of Lucy arching into his touch and humming in contentment, black silk sheet sliding off her naked ravished body filled my mind. No, he pulled her into it; I was doing what was best.

"Did I have to wait for it to go that far," I replied, "Did I have to wait until she became a shell of herself, until she was gone… forever." It hurt the very idea of her being _gone_. But she was gone I had taken her away. "I did talk to her," I admitted.

"And what did she say?" he asked simply.

"She said that she was fine… but that didn't mean that she wasn't going to get hurt" I defended.

"She was always going to get hurt," he spat, "She was always bleeding, for her country… her people and she welcomed it. She didn't have to be the way she is… but she is. She is because she chose it."

"That madness," I bit back a swear word. Why wasn't it obvious? I had to keep her safe.

"Yes, it is madness and she chose it" he yelled, "You can't make her into something that she's not,"

"I wouldn't want to," I yelled back, I would still love her if she were somebody else? Or was that the point.

"Well you did a damn good job of it," he spat dangerously, "Putting her back into a world where she doesn't belong… where she never belonged."

"Why can't she belong there?" I asked in frustration, "Away from harm."

"Away from harm, or away from him?" he responded darkly.

"It's the same thing," I snapped, "I just want her away from him before he hurts her." Dionysus started to laugh, deep, full body, mad, hysterical laughter.

"And the… funny part is… that it doesn't matter," he choked out in between laughter… eventually he stopped. "You took her away form everybody to keep her away from him, but the second she calls form him he'll be there. All of that for nothing."

"No," I whispered. He could, I could have hurt so many people for nothing.

"You ripped the entire world apart of four people… not to mention an entire nation, twice and it didn't even matter," he said facing away from me.

"You don't understand," I growled.

"TO HELL I DON'T UNDERSTAND," he thundered whirling to face me, "I LOVE HER TOO. You don't get to choose… if you really love her as much as I do then you'll let her be happy. However she chooses." He slid to the floor and sat there in defeat.

"Even if it will do worse than kill her?" I said holding fast to the only belief that could, the one that could make everything I'd done even remotely okay.

"Would it, would it really? Sometime you have to let go, Lucy is my best friend and I doubt that she'll ever be anymore than that" he said softly, "And you know what? As long as that makes her happy, it's okay"

"But…" I started, trying to explain.

"But nothing, it horrible and sometime it makes you want to pull you heart out of your chest and lock it up somewhere far, far away where it can't hurt you anymore… but if it makes her happy it's just the way that it is," he explained to me. His eyes implored me to understand.

"Just the way that it is?" I quoted flatly, "Who decided that it had to be like that, who decided that it had to be this hard?"

"By the Gods, will you stop being so selfish," he snapped, "It isn't always about what you want in life, sometime you just take what you can get."

"I… I have no idea how to even begin fixing this," I admitted, "I mean how…"

"It's your job to fix it, the only advice I have is to never banish her form Narnia again," he said. I shuddered. It was wrong; it was so, so wrong… I didn't know what to do. It was so bad; I should have just left it alone.

"Fuck you two are stupid" an irritable voice growled at us, we both cringed and turned to look at Lucy, standing on the arm of my Dad and he looked mad. Lucy face palmed.

"Wait… why am I hitting myself when I should be hitting you?" she said moving forward to as furious as I have ever seen her. She stalked up to us, her glare almost physically burning me and stared down at us in contempt before her face softened and she dropped to her knee. Sitting eye to eye with us.

"I forgive you," she said pulling us to her and it hurt. I wanted her to yell at us, I wanted her to scream or hit us or just something.

"I don't understand, usually when people get hurt they want to hurt the person back?" I asked. She just looked at us with that something… in her eyes.

"I don't have to do that to hurt you," she said quietly, "I just have to tell you the truth… you hurt me." Pain pushed through my body and I looked down in shame as she stood and started to walk away. I couldn't bare it, but the look on my Fathers face dared me to physically stop her.

"I didn't picture you one to run away," I said desperate to make her stay.

"I'm not running away, could stay here if I want," her voice, usually so full of emotion was empty, "But I don't want to be here, so I'm walking away. It has much more class than running."

And just like that she let my Father send her back to wherever she had come from. Probably her boarding school, she still looked like a little girl dressed in her school clothes even if she didn't act like it, even if she wasn't anymore. I will see her, as she should be, I wish I could just be able to love her.

"You are in so much trouble that it isn't even funny," my father said severely, "That girl would have given you everything if you had just of asked."

"And this is my punishment?" I asked hollowly. He chuckled.

"No this is you chance to chose the right path, because the first time you sent her away I couldn't stop you in time and I didn't think you would be so stupid as to try it a second time," he said disappointedly.

"I understand," I mumbled before looking him in the eye and saying with ever ounce of emotion in me, "Thank you."

"You know you're an idiot, right?" Dionysus asked, "Because she loves you, it's always been you… she just had no idea that you loved her back or how the hell she could make it work. You did this because you hoped that she'd be your daughter in law eventually."

"Yes, I did," the man that was Aslan's father chuckled, "I'll freely admit that, but if I'm mistaken you still have quiet a bit of story to read."

I swallowed uncomfortably, realising that I was Lucy's turn. That I would have to know exactly what I had done to her and I was scared.

**Blah, I haven't updated this story in ages so I thought that it was about time that I wrote **_**something **_**at least. So how did you like it?**


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